Elfish Manners correctional Inst
by blue alien
Summary: CO-WRITTEN BY RULER-OF-THE-WORLD Thranduil sends Legolas to rivendell with Haldir to fix his manners, many insane pranks ensue (NOT a HaldirLegolas)
1. Annoying Fathers and Pink Chalk

Ok people this is kind of a joint thingie mabobber between ruler of the world and blue alien. Please keep in mind the 2 of us total have probably read ALL of the LOTR books about 5 million times, and we are SURE about the fact that legolas is younger than Haldir. And not that we have any problems with gays but this is NOT a Legolas/Haldir pairing because in this Legolas is just a kid and Haldir is NOT a pedophile and that is just sick and wrong.  
  
Disclaimer: I own LOTR!  
  
Legolas: -_- no you don't...  
  
Haldir: Be quiet and humor them.  
  
Blue Alien: Ya anyway no we don't own LOTR but one day we will!  
  
Ruler of the World- BWA HAHAHAHAHAAA!!!  
  
*disclaimer over*  
  
"Prince Legolas, your father requests your presence" (random maid)  
  
"Well you may tell him that I am disinclined to acquiesce to his request" young prince Legolas yelled.  
  
"Ever since Pirates of the Caribbean came out on cable....." mumbled the random maid  
  
Legolas got up and went down with a sigh. He found his father in the throne room, with a strange elf standing next to him.  
  
"You requested my presence father?" Legolas sneered.  
  
"I have decided that your manors need a tune up." Thranduil said.  
  
"I am not a car father." Legolas retorted, at this comment the strange elf snickered a little while receiving a glare from Thranduil.  
  
"Yes I know that son but your manors have all but disappeared lately so I have decided that you shall go to Rivendell to have them reinforced and Haldir here shall accompany you." Thranduil motioned to the strange elf standing to the side.  
  
"WHAT???!!!! Father, surely I don't need a babysitter; I am after all 1007 years old." Complained Legolas  
  
"Although I at first believed you to be an elf, I now see, Prince Legolas, that if not a car you must surely be a baby dwarf." Said Haldir quietly.  
  
"Father, if someone must accompany me, please let it not be someone as incompetent as HIM" whined the angry Prince (with an obvious gesture towards Haldir)  
  
"At least he can write cursive." Thranduil said while trying to hide a chuckle.  
  
"I can write cursive very well father." Came Legolas's indignant reply.  
  
"We shall see to that." As Thranduil said that a magical elfish chalkboard appeared.  
  
"This will be easy." Scoffed the young prince as he began to write on the board. When he was finished there was a poor excuse for a well written sentence.  
  
Haldir took his turn. "Why is my chalk pink? Legolas' was blue!" asked Haldir, but an evil glare from Thranduil shut him up. When Haldir was done, beneath Legolas' attempt was what looked like a long squiggly worm tied up in knots.  
  
"Ummm.....well.......nice try, both of you. You seem well suited for this journey together. Be ready in the morning" ordered Thranduil as he got up to leave.  
  
Legolas and Haldir shoot each other very cold glares.  
  
"Well this is going to be a long journey..." Mumbled Legolas as he walked back to his room.  
  
*End*  
  
Ruler of the world: Okie okie that was it ^_^ I hope y'all liked it *_*  
  
Blue Alien- one note: despite my co-writer's name, she has absolutely no control over me whatsoever.  
  
Ruler: Yes I do, you just don't know it, same goes for the world I rule it y'all just don't know it! ) Bwa hahahahaaa!!!  
  
Alien: *coughcough* not in front of the children, Ruler!  
  
NOTE: if you don't like it, don't read it, don't review it. But otherwise R&R!!! 


	2. Epoxy Glue

Ruler: Ok I am back Alien and I will be sharing the work so I will be writing this chapter and she will be writing the next so on and so on. Ok please enjoy   
  
"Beware of Epoxy Glue"  
  
"Haldir!" Legolas called out. They had been on the trail for three days and already Haldir was getting sick and tired of Legolas' grating voice.  
  
"What now?" Sighed the exasperated elf. He was about ready to kill the young elfling and blame it on an orc.  
  
"My bow broke." Legolas held up a bow, a broken bow.  
  
"How in the name of Varda did you do that?" Haldir glared at him while reigning up.  
  
"I think I sat on it." Legolas looked around guiltily.  
  
"You THINK you sat on it?"  
  
"Yes, I think I sat on it."  
  
"Ugh you are hopeless! Here let me fix it..." Haldir gave a sigh of resignation.  
  
"NO! I can fix it on my own." Legolas pouted then nickered to his horse and started off.  
  
Later that night after a very uneventful day Legolas sat by the campfire trying to fix his bow.  
  
"Stupid this won't hold still!" He growled as he tried to tie it back together.  
  
"You're tying it with rope?" Haldir asked, a little bewildered.  
  
"Ya, what else is there to use?"  
  
"Epoxy glue." Haldir held up a small tube with the glue inside. Legolas glowered and swiped at the glue.  
  
"Gimmie that!" When he managed to get the glue he started to apply it to his bow, very messily I might ad.  
  
"Haldir."  
  
"What?" Haldir looked up from poking the ant to see what the elfling had done now.  
  
"We have a problem."  
  
"Ok, what is the problem?"  
  
"I glued my hands together and they won't come undone." Legolas pulled at his hands to add emphasis.  
  
"My god how did you do that?"  
  
"Like I am going to tell you!" Legolas shot back at the older elf.  
  
"Ya, ya, keep being snarky, see where it landed you?' Haldir picked up the very messed up bow.  
  
"Shut up!" Legolas then got up and stalked off, presumably to try and get his hands unstuck.  
  
Haldir shook his head at the retreating youth. 'Kids, they'll never learn...' he mused to himself. After several minutes of doing nothing he got up and walked over to the bow. He then sat himself down and began to work.  
  
Meanwhile in a forest in some god forsaken part of Arda Legolas was sulking.  
  
"Stupid Haldir... it always 'Legolas this, Legolas that' god he sounds like my father!" He sighed irritably then walked over to a stream with some rocks.  
  
'I wonder, maybe the glue will wash off...' He thought as he dunked his hands into the ice cold water. After a few minutes he pulled his hands out and tried to work them free, but the glue seemed to have frozen over and Legolas's hands where not about to come apart.  
  
"ARRGH!" He yelled, kicking a rock in frustration, which only got him a very bruised toe. "Why does this happen to me? Why not Haldir, he disserves it for being a royal pain in the arse!"  
  
Not far from where Legolas was sitting a small band of orcs lay in waiting for the perfect moment to strike.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" When Haldir heard the scream he looked up, recognizing it as Legolas's voice he grabbed his weapons and ran off.

####

Sorry that it was short, hopefully Alien will write something longer.  
Ok that was the end for now! Ok Alien now you get to decide what happens to them! Ha! Okie okie please review! 

Epoxy Glue- Ok Epoxy glue is water proof glue and it is super glue times ten on strength, don't ask why Haldir had any, he just did!


	3. Orcs, Bubbles, etc

Disclaimer: not mine. His.  
  
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" screamed Legolas helplessly.  
  
The small bands of orcs had found the perfect moment to strike, and Legolas had been taken prisoner. He was being marched through the forest, tied to a stretcher and carried upside down by 2 orcs. The leader marched in front.  
  
"I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate......." mumbled one of the orcs carrying Legolas.  
  
"Oi numbskull, what do you hate?" asked the other carrying orc.  
  
"WHAT? What did you say?" asked the first orc.  
  
"What do you hate? Simple question, numbskull."  
  
"Don't bother talking to him, bonehead" spoke the leader commandingly.  
  
"Oh please, rock brain. What do you know about our village idiot?" said bonehead.  
  
"More than you. He has an earwax buildup and our Q-tip rations just got cut in half again" replied rock brain.  
  
"Wait a minute, are your names seriously numbskull, rock brain and bonehead?" asked Legolas  
  
"Yes. But shut up, prisoner!"  
  
Legolas cracked up laughing uncontrollably. The orcs were not pleased.  
  
"How do we shut him up, rock brain? You're the leader!" asked bonehead.  
  
"I don't know!"  
  
"Well you should! You're nothing but a stupid orc with rocks for brains!"  
  
"You're even stupider than me! You're the one with the bone head!"  
  
"Everybody's head is bony!"  
  
"Oh yeah?"  
  
"YEAH!"  
  
Dropping the stretcher (Legolas falls into deep hole), bonehead charged towards rock brain. Soon the two were banging heads with loud, sickening cracks. Meanwhile, numbskull quietly looted their travel packs, stealing everybody's Q-tip rations.  
  
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!" screamed Legolas as he thudded onto the bottom of the hole. It was dimly lit, and he was laying it a small field of.....mushrooms! He tried to get up, but his hands were still stuck together, so he had to crawl up the side of a large mushroom.  
  
Just as he was situating himself, a very small man came running up to him out of nowhere.  
  
"Hello! My name is......ummmmmmm.....i can't remember! And you must be.........ummmmmmmmmmm.........i can't seem to recall. Welcome to my home, this is the land of........well, I'll tell you if I can remember, but I can't! Oh now, what was I trying to remember again? ummmmmmmmmmmmm"  
  
"Right...well, I'm Legolas. Why are you wearing underwear on your head? And mittens on your feet?"  
  
"I can never seem to remember where everything goes so I don't even bother trying"  
  
For such an idiot the little man sounded very cheerful. Suddenly another figure thumped onto the ground, and a loud moan of pain rose up from the elf.  
  
"Haldir! Help me, my hands are still stuck!" yelled Legolas, rushing over to him.  
  
"Ooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. I got caught between one of your capturers' headbangs. Rocky, Bullwinkle and skull head or whatever" muttered Haldir.  
  
"Rock brain, numbskull and bonehead. Oh yeah. Well, the stupid Epoxy glue still won't come off!"  
  
"And I'm going to do what about that?"  
  
"Help me get it off, of course" said Legolas. He was Prince of Mirkwood, right? Everybody listened to him.  
  
"No thanks. I just want to get out of this stupid hole already." Said Haldir as he rubbed his head.  
  
Legolas looked about ready to launch into pout-mode when he glanced over at the strange little short man.  
  
"Hey little guy who can't remember stuff!" yelled Legolas.  
  
"At your service! Who are you again?"  
  
"Oh nevermind! Do you by any chance know how to remove Epoxy glue from skin. For instance, my hands?" asked Legolas.  
  
"Oh yes!," exclaimed the little man, "I just learned that yesterday! You just do.......ummmmmmmmmm..................well......................... I can't remember...................."  
  
"Don't make me hurt you little guy. Now just give it a try!" exclaimed Legolas  
  
"Errmmmmm.....okay......what am I doing again?" said the little man.  
  
"Aaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're removing the Epoxy glue from my hands!"  
  
"Oh yes......well, here goes" said the man happily.  
  
BOOM  
  
Suddenly Legolas and Haldir were in a bubble. It was blue-ish/transparent and It was floating up, up, UP.  
  
"Legolas?" said Haldir timidly.  
  
"What? Isn't this fun!?"  
  
They were floating out of the hole, away from the bodies of the orcs (who had headbanged themselves to death).  
  
"I'm scared of heights, Legolas. And we're up very high....oooohhhh I want my mommy and my teddy bear!" said Haldir  
  
"Oooh boy. You think you know a guy. This guy spends his whole life climbing trees and he's afraid of heights. What is the world coming to?"  
  
While Legolas had fun looking at Mirkwood from a bubble, Haldir was rummaging around in their packs, looking for something and uttering curses about young elves who have bad manners that have to be brought somewhere else by poor innocent messengers like himself.  
  
"Hey look Haldir, it's a Cyclops! Wow!" exclaimed Legolas, pointing to a creature stumbling through the woods to the north.  
  
"But it has 2 eyes. Doesn't Cyclops only have 1?"  
  
"It must be a Bicyclops then," said Legolas.  
  
More rummaging and muttered curses from Haldir and.....  
  
"AHA! I found it!" exclaimed the elf.  
  
"Found what?" asked Legolas  
  
"A needle. I don't know what you were doing with a mini sewing kit in your pack, though. You're even more of a pansy elf prince than I thought!" laughed Haldir.  
  
Legolas looked at the sewing kit and the traveling pack. "Errmmm, Haldir, I hate to break it to you but that was in your pack," said Legolas as he shuffled through Haldir's pack, "And lookee here! A music box! And a heart shaped box of chocolates, and a......oh Varda, I do NOT want to know why THAT is in there!"  
  
"Get out of there!" yelled Haldir as he snatched away the pack, "Just because I'm scared of heights doesn't mean I'm not still in charge of you! And I've decided that the best course of action is to make a crash landing. Bombs away!!!!!!"  
  
With that Haldir punctured the blue-ish/transparent bubble with the needle, and the two fell through the air. Haldir flailed his arms around, and Legolas realized that his hands were still stuck together.  
  
sorry it took me so long ruler (and everybody else) but I had writer's block and a brain fart (very bad combination!). But now it is complete, so enjoy. 


	4. Sarcastic Elf Lords

Ok I am back. (happy Alien?) Yes I have been very busy, been at dads for a month then camping for a week.... Note to ones self, NEVER go swimming in a mountain stream at 6 o 'clock in the morning, you will freeze your arse off. (nods)  
  
Ok on with the chappy. .

* * *

CRASH BANG BOOM

* * *

The elf pair finally landed with a thump.  
  
"Where are we?" Grumbled a very put off Haldir.  
  
"How should I know?" Legolas growled while trying to get up; his hands where still stuck together.  
  
"Well, you are the prince of Mirkwood, so one would think that you knew your own homeland."  
  
"Who said I paid attention in geography?"  
  
"My lord! You are thicker than I thought. Anyway I am going to climb a tree to see where we are." With that Haldir turned around and started up the nearest tree.  
  
"Oy! I thought you where afraid of heights!" Legolas called up from where he was siting.  
  
"Only very high heights, this isn't to bad." Haldir called down, while trying to get to a better position.  
  
"What's the difference from heights and high heights?"  
  
"There is one."  
  
"Would you care to expand on the answer?"  
  
"No." Legolas pouted after he got Haldir's reply. No one had ever talked to him in such a way... Except for his father, but he was the exception. He then some how managed to get up. After about five minutes he started to get worried, he still hadn't heard from Haldir, which could not be a good thing.  
  
"Hey Haldir! You ok?" Legolas called up, still trying to undo his hands.  
  
"Ya, I think we are in Rivendell.... Or close to it." Haldir said as he slid down the tree. "Maybe Elrond knows what to do with epoxy glue."  
  
"Good." Legolas huffed while he started off in a random direction.  
  
"Hey rock brain, Rivendell is the other way." Haldir called, Legolas scowled and turned and glared at the elder elf.  
  
"DON'T call me Rockbrain, or even suggest my relation to those... creatures." Legolas spat while he grudgingly followed Haldir. Haldir chuckled and shook his head.  
  
After a while they finally arrived in Rivendell. (Basically the Authoress was too lazy to write all that happened, which was basically nothing)  
  
When they arrived they saw Lord Elrond walk over to them, with a 'I am doing this to be nice' smile on his face.  
  
"Took you long enough." Was the first comment they heard from the elf lord Elrond.  
  
"You can blame that on this numbskull over here." Haldir said in reply while he pushed Legolas forward. Legolas in return stuck his tongue out at Haldir.  
  
"This is the elf child that has been sent to me then?" Elrond looked Legolas up and down with a withering glance.  
  
"Yes I am, I am Legolas son of Thranduil prince of Mirkwood." Sneered the elfling giving a pompous look in Elrond's direction.  
  
"That's nice, Glorifindle!"  
  
"Yes sir?" A young, golden haired, elf warrior came over to his lord.  
  
"Take... Prince Legolas to his quarters please. And once he has changed please send him to me, I will be in my library." Elrond turned to leave when he noticed Haldir attempting to walk away unnoticed. "Ah Haldir of Lorien, I need to speak with you. Please follow." Haldir nodded then took off after the odd elf lord.  
  
Once inside his library Elrond sighed. "I am getting to old for this, after raising three children you would think that the other elves would leave me in peace, but no-o-o-o... Anyway, I have a favor to ask of you."  
  
Haldir gulped and nodded, the last time Elrond asked a favor of him it ended up in him dumping a gallon of ice cold water from the Nimrodel on Celeborn's head as 'revenge' for one of their arguments.  
  
"Well as seeing the fact that Legolas doesn't want to be here, I was wondering if you could keep an eye one him, oh no you won't be alone Glorifindle will help you." Elrond said hurriedly after seeing the disbelieving face Haldir had given him.  
  
"If you will it milord I will do it." Haldir said then left the room.  
  
Elrond shook his head and sighed, 'elf youth, it'll be the death of me.' He then picked up a scroll and started to read.

* * *

"And this is your room sir." Glorifindle said as he opened a door to a nicely furnished room.  
  
It had dark wooden floors and walls, the sweeping pillars that held up the roof had many different and intricate carvings. There was a huge ground to roof window on the far side of the wall, with moss green and silver curtains. Pushed against the far-left side of the wall was a dresser and a mirror. In the center of the far wall was his bed, big enough for three of him to fit in it. The sheets and pillow cases where a deep midnight blue. On the opposite wall in the same position as the dresser was a desk and a chair. On the desk was a pile of scrolls and books, a stack of paper, along with a quill and ink.  
  
"I hope you find it to your liking, the bathroom is just down the hall to your left. There will clean clothes provided, once you are done present yourself to Lord Elrond. His library/study is off to the side of the hall of fire, you won't miss it." With that said Glorifindle bowed out.  
  
Legolas grinned as he looked around. "Sweet" he whispered while he started to jump on the bed. Once he rid himself of his jumping need he set off towards the bathroom.  
  
Once he was clean he headed towards Lord Elrond's library. All to soon he arrived outside of the double doors. He knocked tentatively.  
  
"Come in Legolas." Came a voice from inside. Legolas sighed and opened the doors. 'Well,' he thought, 'here goes nothing...'

* * *

Not far down the hall Haldir met up with Glorifindle.  
  
"Hey Glorifindle!" The elf warden said happily.  
  
"Hello Haldir, and how do you fair?" The warrior said in return.  
  
"Oh I'm fine, but I thought I ought to let you know we are on ahem, 'babysitting' duty for the brat prince."  
  
Glorifindle put on a false smile and said mockingly, "Oh how fun!" Haldir nodded and sighed, "It's going to be a long while..."  
  
"So how long do we have to do this?"  
  
"I don't know..." Haldir sighed and walked off towards his room for what would be the last of his peace and quiet for a long time.

* * *

Ok that's it for now. . Now Alien you get to do Elrond and Legolas's discussion, and don't make Elrond stupid, wuss, or over protective of Arwen -.-  
  
Other than that have fun . Well please read and review. 


End file.
